Issue One.

Editor's Note:

Don't get me wrong, there are some awesome things in life. Like...nothing, now that I can think of it. Wait. Sex, pain, music (Certain types, of course.) and food. But, beyond that--and breathing--I can think of nothing. You see, this is a publication where you will find that the Editor in Chief and only current author is kind of a jerk. He seems to be so bored with life. It seems to just not stimulate him anymore. On to our adventure, I guess. Whatever....

11/11/11--A day famous for bullshit.

As many of you may know, yesterday was 11/11/11. That means nothing to me. It's just a day.
"But it's lucky!" Some of you may say. No. No it's not. Shit did not happen yesterday. You're just dumb and think that ONE THING in your favor counts as luck. That shit happens everyday, to everyone but me, it would seem. You know what would have been awesome? Not having a shitty day yesterday. But that's irrelevant, I suppose, as all life is. So, when someone tells you about something amazing that happened yesterday, just tell them "Oh, really? I heard about that, I read about it in 'Who Gives A Fuck?' Magazine today."

Here's a list of the dumb shit that happened yesterday.
Relationships (that won't last, trust me. They never do.) began.
Skyrim was released. Big whoop. Who gives a fuck? Not this guy.
Someone, somewhere, was told "Your cancer is in remission!"
Some people didn't die.

Here's the bad shit that UNDOUBTEDLY happened yesterday.
Breakups. The author knows. Trust the author.
Eric Terrell, lead guitarist of extreme metal band "Quoth The Raven" and the genius behind the industrial project Apathetik, announced today "My spleen, dude. It's been talking to me. It tells me things. Secrets. It tells me secrets. Delicious secrets.....seeeeeeecrets."
Someone, somewhere, died. Probably (definitely) painfully.

I'd continue, but my apathy, combined with my procrastination, has made me too lazy to finish this sente